Babies and Backflips

Today as I rocked Jake for his afternoon nap, I was overcome with his wonderfulness and with a deep awe, and gratitude that Heavenly Father sent this perfect little person to me. Jake has been pure sunshine and often times while rocking him tears come easily to my eyes as I'm encompassed with those tender feelings that come with being a mom. Those feelings are hard to put into words, feelings so wonderful and fulfilling, yet very bittersweet at the same time. The sweetness of him, of having a baby in our home, of kissing those pudgy little checks and blowing on that squishy tummy. The sweetness of being able to kiss his toes and feel those soft little fingers on my face. I love to cuddle and listen to him say "Mamm" as he snuggles down into my shoulder. I feel deeply the sweetness of being able to kiss those little lips that pucker so dramatically when he wants to give me a kiss. One of the sweetest moments of life is rocking him to sleep, singing soft lullabies and watching those beautiful blue eyes gently flutter close under the heaviness of sleep. I love to analyze the corners of his smile that so effortlessly invades his face. I love tucking his long baby curls behind his ears and whispering words of love to him. I love knowing that for now he is mine, all mine, that he is safe and secure and is only happy. The bitterness part comes, and it's not really a bad bitterness, I guess it's more of a tug on my heart and a quick, frantic, panicky, feeling that time goes by too fast. I feel those pangs knowing and remembering that all to soon, this little baby will get bigger, those fat Roley Polly legs with lengthen out and become strong and fast. I feel that tug thinking that all to soon his kiss will come with less of a pucker, that his baby talk will be replaced with concrete words and that he will want to do big boy things like back flips off the diving board.....
Back flips like his brother Will. I watched today as Will tried and tried again to do a back flip off the board. He told me his goal is to be able to do it by Bear Lake. Will, my six year old, was the perfect picture of determination. Again and again he climbed up the board, walked carefully down to the end, turned around, took a bounce, jumped and did a back dive, a back flop, a whatchamacallit...etc. There is no doubt in my mind he will be successful, or that he will sleep well tonight. Will, who used to be so little too is now bigger, somehow it happened, and he grew into a tall handsome boy. A boy who likes to play with friends, who loves to read books, who loves T-ball, and Lego's. A boy who thrives on learning new jokes that will crack up his Dad. And a boy who wants a watch so badly so he can tell time.
As his mom though I sometimes just want time to stop.
Will, reminds me just how fast time goes by, and how precious each stage is. It really does seem like only yesterday he was that baby in my arms getting rocked to sleep sucking his "Me." And tonight as I rubbed his back and sang a song, I thought of his baby body and now his little boy body so long and lean. Someday he'll be all grown up and then what will I do? I thought about Jake in the other room all comfy, sleeping on his tummy, bum high in the air still a little baby; and I heard Ike, one bed over, softly snoring. Again I felt those "Mom" feelings and had to send a grateful prayer up to Heavenly Father. Grateful to Him for this time, for the opportunity to be a mother and a small request that time will slow down, that these perfect days will linger on and on and each new stage will become the new perfect. I prayed that I'll be up to the challenge and adventure of raising boys, and then I asked a small request that my boys will always let me rub their backs and sing a song to them before bed.